i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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