just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
