apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
