My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
