my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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