Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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