HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
