I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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