no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize