maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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