dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
