I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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