I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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