i may or may not be watching the land before time
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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