Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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