im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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