I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
