Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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