Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
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Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
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Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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