I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
