is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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