The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
