My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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