Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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