I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
