We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
