fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
