Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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