OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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