I am puke
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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