When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
