I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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