Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
