rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
