Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
