marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
