i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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