I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
