Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
