Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
