forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
