I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
