I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
