She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
