she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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