I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize