Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
