Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
