he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
