Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
