So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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