so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
