Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
