Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
