Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
