I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
