we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
