forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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