I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
