I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So here I am, sexting at work.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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