I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
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we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
foreskin is a definite game changer
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Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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