I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
