yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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