we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
