I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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