I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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