my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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