is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
