yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I need moral support for this bender
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
