I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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