Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
