What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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