i'm signing you up for texting rehab
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
