she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
