Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
