why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
