Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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