3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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