I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
