he puts the penis in happiness.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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