I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
