A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
