If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He felt like a one man threesome
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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