I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
