I heard we made out
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
