I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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