it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
