Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
