thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
