idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
